


More Than Just A Mute

by Heliosthetroll



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, M/M, Stridercest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-28
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-08-09 02:29:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16441298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heliosthetroll/pseuds/Heliosthetroll
Summary: Dirk can't understand spoken words but that doesn't stop him from liking Dave. If anything it helps.





	More Than Just A Mute

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this wonderful fic here that you all should read: https://archiveofourown.org/chapters/1108927?

You knew what words sounded like, it wasn’t like there hadn’t been the TV or Youtube to watch in your sixteen years of life alone before the game, but there’s a difference between knowing what a word sounds like and knowing what it means. By the time you had figured out how to use the electronics in your home at the ripe age of nine, it had been pretty much too late for you to learn language. At least easily. You knew a few more obvious things that you could pick out the meaning of from where a scene was in a movie or what the camera pointed to, things like dog or rain or puppet, but the words were far too few for you to have any understanding of any conversation whatsoever. Spoken words were mainly babbling to you, useless sounds you couldn’t understand. Sure you could write with the best, learning to read and write wasn’t hard when it was among some of the very few things you had to do for a lot of your life, and was pretty damn intelligent but at this point learning English was near impossible for you if not just straight up impossible. 

This made things really difficult when you met your friends in person for the first time.

They didn’t understand at first as you stared at them blankly when they spoke, unable to understand them, but Roxy was smart and managed to pick up on what was happening. It helped that it had nearly happened to her too but had been avoided thanks to her guardian being a bit smarter than yours when it came to children and had left her many things that allowed her to learn to speak like a normal human being. You on the other hand, were left having to communicate with everyone around you through Pesterchum. You with your shades and them with whatever device happened to be handy at the time. 

Slowly things came back to normal. Sure there were frustrations, group conversations were difficult to say the least in the rare times they happened and talking had to be slowed down for your convenience which annoyed you and everyone else to no end, but at the end of it all, you were still their friend. You were still Dirk Strider. You were just Dirk Strider who needed to be talked to using a phone. 

Another thing that was difficult for you was facial expressions. Again it wasn’t like you hadn’t seen people making them before and you knew the basic ones but it’s not like there was a lot of kids books laying around that explained what the look you gave someone when you wanted to hide that you hated them was. Things like anger, sadness, joy, those were easy. Those you could pick out right away if they were expressed openly and honestly. But the complicated ones? Completely lost to you. Your poker face wasn’t just for show. 

Just when you were starting to adjust to everyone knowing you couldn’t speak or understand them and them accommodating that your game session welcomes a brand new group of people into it.

You had gotten so used to people just knowing that you couldn’t understand you that you were confused when you’re approached by the kid versions of you and Roxy’s guardians and they open their mouths to talk to you. They seem just as confused as you when you don’t respond to them and whatever they said and you think they even seem annoyed? You can’t tell but if you had to guess that would be it. Luckily Roxy notices quickly what’s going on and steps in to explain it to them before they can get too mad at you. You don’t have to hear the words to know she’s explaining your life story to them. Alone in the middle of the ocean atop of a destroyed apartment building where you couldn’t learn spoken language in time to be a functioning human. They look saddened by your story and even with your limited knowledge on expressions you can see the pity in the purple eyes of the yellow and orange-clad Lalonde. Your young guardian however? Just as much of a mystery as always. His expression only changes slightly and you can’t see his eyes at all and your limited social knowledge is not enough to tell you how he feels or what to do. 

You hate it.

You hate being like this. It’s a little comforting to be around aliens, something about the fact that they sometimes don’t understand fully what some words mean and the fact that they’ve grown mostly used to have to explain their language to humans thanks to three years on a meteor is nice, but it doesn’t last long. Even the fucking trolls know more about how to interact with humans than you do. Everything is always so overwhelming and not being able to understand spoken words really gets on your nerves a lot.

This leads to you avoiding people. A lot.

You spend most of the time in the corner of the meteor you made for yourself. With your home now on a planet filled with toxic gas, it only seemed reasonable to move and the others had followed your lead. The place was huge a good home base with tons of things even the people who had spent three years or more on the thing hadn’t found. Like your little room tucked away a good distance from most of the modified stuff that people had made to make things cozier. You didn’t mind that it was really cozy around your room. You needed a place where you could be isolated to cool down and this spot was perfect for that purpose. You moved your metal, tools, and circuitry in here along with setting up a computer so you could be productive in here tucked away from the outside world and beyond that everything else stayed the same. Nothing else needed to be changed.

Things only just start to fall back into routine, a new routine but still routine all the same, when you find Dave spending more and more time with you, even following you back to your little tucked away workshop sometimes. Sometimes he’s rambling despite the full knowledge that you can’t hear him and you’d feel ticked off and mocked if you didn’t see him mumbling to himself absentmindedly sometimes when he thinks no one is around because of how silently you move from room to room. You’re pretty sure he does it as a stress thing or something. Maybe he just doesn’t like the silence. You’re not even entirely sure he knows he’s doing it when he’s alone at least so maybe it’s more an instinctual thing. You get the idea that maybe he likes spending time with you because you can’t judge him for his words because you can’t understand them anyway. He’s free to say whatever he wants and you won’t know a single damn thing he’s saying. It must be freeing to him. Besides, when he does actually want a response out of you for some reason he does pull out his phone and hit you up with a message so it’s not like he’s forgetting you can’t understand him or anything. It’s almost entertaining and certainly fascinating to watch his lips move as he rambles on and on about one thing or another, all the words meaningless to you. And while you can’t understand his words his gestures and tone can be very humorous and entertaining. Maybe that’s why you spend so much more time with him than you do any of the others, even your old friends. He gets you and he doesn’t expect you to answer him, just wants to exist in your presence with or without your input into things. It’s relaxing. Like a weight being lifted off your shoulders.

You wonder if he knows what he does to you. 

You doubt it.

You don’t know if that’s a bad or good thing.

Right now you’re sitting at your desk with Dave behind you chattering away while you code. You’ve been trying to make a voice recognition software with Roxy’s help so Hal can teach you to speak and understand spoken language. He’s an AI so it’ll be easy for him to learn once the software is done and then it’ll just be the long frustrating stretch of time you know you’re in store for when it’s your turn to learn but after that you won’t be such an outcast anymore. Sure you’ll probably still get overwhelmed a lot until you can adjust to all of this but being able to talk and have an actual verbal conversation with someone will make everything so much easier. The only issue is that the coding is a bitch to make. Especially since you have to rely on Roxy for most of the function specific stuff. It’s not like you don’t understand, she’s got her own shit to do plus she really loves being social with the others, but it’s annoying when you can’t get anything done because you’re waiting on her. You really just want this to be done already.

Suddenly there’s a distinct lack of rambling from behind you and you had gotten so used to the background noise that it actually startles you a bit that it’s now just silence. You turn to look at Dave, half expecting him to on his phone getting a request to go hang out with someone else, probably Karkat they’re really close despite how often they fight, but he’s just staring at you. You give your best approximation of a confused look, tilting your head and just barely raising an eyebrow, and he seems to understand, looking down at his phone to message you. 

TG: sorry man  
TG: I’ve just got something on my mind

Strange but you suppose you understand. You can’t help but wonder what is nagging at him so bad that he completely shut up rather than just rambling aloud to your ignorant self. Was he scared you’d understand him? But he knew you didn’t understand much of anything not written or typed. What could be the reason for his sudden and continued silence?

TT: Well what is it that you’re pondering so bad that you just stopped rambling to me?

He shifts a bit on his feet and it takes a while before he responds to you. 

TG: it’s nothing  
TG: and why do you even care it’s not like you can understand my rambling

You can recognize an evasion when you see one, Roxy used to use them all the time. Still does sometimes really. By why is he avoiding answering your question? Something has to be wrong. Like really wrong. Is he fighting with Karkat? Like an actual fight rather than the friendly shit they throw at each other all the time? No that doesn’t explain it, he would either ramble about that to you with no worry or go talk to one of his sister’s about it. He uses those two as therapists, going to one or the other depending on the method he wants at the time, and besides, they’re family just as much as you are and Rose knows Karkat much better than you do. Hell, even Roxy knows him better than you do thanks to her social nature. Maybe he’s fighting with them then? No, then he’d ask advice on Rose from Kanaya since apparently those two are together and he’d go to you for advice on Roxy but he wouldn’t be scared to ask about it. He’d just do it. Maybe he’s nervous about the upcoming fighting? Luckily you still have some time until that happens but you could understand him being scared, you are too. But no once again there’s no reason for him to not just say it. So what is he trying to hide from you and why?

TT: Dude come on what’s on your mind?  
TT: It’s not like I can tell anyone

It’s your lame attempt at using a joke to lighten the mood but he frowns deeper and you know enough to know that’s not a good thing.

TG: Dirk you need to stop blaming yourself for you not being able to understand us

His words startle you even if your face doesn’t change. How did he know about how you felt about this? It wasn’t like you went around advertising how stupid you thought yourself to be because you couldn’t understand people. Right? Maybe Hal told him?

TT: Hal needs to stop spilling my damn secrets  
TG: Hal didn’t tell me anything  
TG: Just because your face doesn't move and I can’t see your eyes doesn’t mean I can’t tell when someone is getting down on themselves even more than I do

You pause and so does he. You look at him and he looks at you. There’s a long silent moment where a bit more understanding passes through you both. Yet another thing you both have in common. Crippling self-hate. 

TT: Fine but why did that make you stop rambling?  
TG: It didn’t that just needed to be said and no one else seemed to notice so it fell on my shoulders to let you know that hating yourself isn’t going to magically make you understand us and be able to speak but that’s ok and it’s not your fault you can’t do it now  
TG: You’re working hard on that upgrade for Hal to fix it  
TG: So don’t be too hard on yourself

You’re staring at him in shock as he types to you, the words flashing across your shades. He... Wow that’s a lot to take in but you kinda love it. He noticed but not just that he cared too. He cared about the fact that you couldn’t stop calling yourself a stupid idiot over not being able to just speak like a normal fucking human being. 

TT: I…  
TT: I‘ll try  
TG: cool

Things go quiet for a while again, no soft buzzing as one of your receives a message from the other but Dave doesn’t start up rambling again wither. You both just sit in silence together. Finally, you text him again, unable to leave things be no matter how much you want to.

TT: So if that didn’t stop your rambling then what did?

He pauses again and you swear his fingers shake as he types his response to you.

TG: I was thinking about how your hair sparkles a bit in the fluorescent lights among other things

You stare at the response in confusion. Why would that make him stop talking? That didn’t make any sense to you so you pressed for more. 

TT: What other things?  
TG: Shit man you're actually making me say it?  
TG: Or well type it  
TT: I just want to know why you went suddenly silent on me when your voice was so calming

It’s sent before you can think about it fully but regret hits you hard once it’s too late and it’s sent and you’ve read over it again. Why the hell did you even say that? Sure it’s the truth but it’s not like he needed to know that. Now you’ve probably made a huge fool of yourself in front of him and he’ll decide dealing with you isn’t worth it after all and fuck off somewhere else on the meteor never to speak to you again.

TG: Wait what?  
TG: Me rambling is calming to you?

Well that’s one reaction you were never really expecting. You can roll with it though.

TT: Well yeah.  
TT: Otherwise it’s just deafening silence at all times or conversations I’m slowing down or making much harder than they should be.  
TT: With you, it’s not silence but there’s no obligation for me to understand you or respond to you while you ramble on just to talk and get things off your own chest that you need off but don’t really want people knowing about.  
TG: How…?  
TT: The same way you understand me man.  
TT: Our brains work a lot alike. 

He looks up at you and you continue watching him. He stares at you for a long time and it makes you wish you could see under his shades to know what he’s doing, where he’s looking, what he’s feeling. Though that last one would be difficult even if you could see his eyes. Now that you look he doesn’t look half bad. You don’t like to label yourself but it didn’t take long for you to realize you were into dudes when you were young and you have to admit Dave has a good face. Man, that’s weird to think about considering he’s not only related to you in some weird ecto bullshit way but also that he’s the young version of the guy you spent most of your years looking up to as if he was some god. It’s true though. His jawline is surprisingly soft and gentle and his face is round despite puberty having hit him during this awful experience of a ‘game’. Really the only thing puberty seems to have given him is height and maybe a few extra muscles though that could just be from the game or from before the game even considering what little you know about his life before and the older version of yourself from his universe. God even now after many times of him brushing it off saying he knows you aren’t Bro as he calls him you can’t help but blame yourself for what Bro did to him. You wonder if he thinks it’s his fault you can’t speak or understand spoken language. You hope not. He’s not D and D made the right choice going off to fight the batterwitch anyway. As you look you notice that his hair too sparkles in the lighting of the room you choose for yourself. Dave is just a bit shorter than you but not by much and he’s got just a little less muscle mass than you too. Both of you have spent a lot of time fighting to survive. Him against an abusive brother and you against an abusive world. Thinking about it makes you want to hug him. It really does.

Finally, you text him again in an attempt to snap him out of whatever stupor has him staring at you for this long. 

TT: So are you going to tell me the rest of what you were thinking or what?

His gaze snaps back down to his phone as it buzzes to alert him to the message and he pauses before responding.

TG: Do I have to?  
TT: I mean physically no I’m not going to like, choke you out if you don’t tell me but I guess I’d probably get pretty upset and worried if you didn’t tell me.

He frowns and hesitates for a long time before looking up at you. You’re confused as you look back at him. Why isn’t he typing? What’s going through his head? What’s going on? Then it happens. He speaks three little words to you. “I love you.” 

You thank every cheesy romance movie you got bored enough to watch as a kid for making it so blatantly clear what those words meant because now they’re being said to you and you actually know what they mean. You understand them. Dave just confessed to loving you and you actually know what the fuck that means.

You fumble around with your mouth for a while as Dave stares at you in nervous confusion before you shakily get out a very primitive repeating of the words. His jaw drops and even with his shades you can tell his eyes have widened. He says something aloud before his brain catches up and he remembers you still have no idea what most things mean and he quickly looks back down at his phone. 

TG: You’re serious?  
TG: You aren’t just fucking with me?  
TG: Yanking my chain around like hey here’s a nice handsome as fuck dude I can date and fuck for a while before breaking up with and acting like we never had anything in the first place and pretending everything can just go back to how it was before

You get the distinct feeling he’s speaking from experience through your limited knowledge on his life and past experiences of everyone around you in general means you don’t know if that’s true or not. Regardless it saddens you that of all the things to pop into his mind first about your confession it’s that it not might be real that comes up first. 

TT: I would never do that.  
TT: Not anyone but especially not to you. 

He lets out a sharp breath and nods to himself for a moment with shaking fingers before typing more.

TG: Yeah yeah ok I know that I just never fucking expected this to actually happen  
TG: With you or with anyone really  
TG: You actually love me?

You feel your lips turn upward a small bit and nod.

TT: Yeah.  
TT: Yeah I really do.

He grins and slides away his phone for a moment in order to hug you tightly. It startles you due to its lack of warning and your inability to communicate with him at that moment makes you incredibly nervous and on edge but at the same time something about the hug is so calming and joy-inducing that you just hug back, shutting out your negative feelings in order to just enjoy the happy moment with your ecto-brother and, you guess now, your boyfriend. You let the moment overtake you and for just a bit this is all that matters. Jack Noir isn’t coming to get you, your session was never doomed, your friends aren’t constantly locked in some kind of drama, you can communicate with people perfectly and no one hates you. For just a while you are loved and you are safe and you are whole. You are perfect and so is Dave. And that’s all that matters.


End file.
